Unexpected Summer

For a teacher the anticipation of summer is kind of hard to explain. I mean, we love our students, our profession, our purpose and our passion, but come May we are a bit exhausted to say the least! As I just read what I wrote, I realize that I should make this more personal. By the end of May, no matter how all the other teachers in the world feel, I am a tired, frazzled basket case!

This year ended on such a positive note. My students performed our end of year musical (Mary Poppins, Jr) without a hitch. They were a pleasure to work with and that talented bunch of kiddos blessed my socks off. Here is a picture of that sweet and talented group. I'm holding the superior trophy we earned at the contest we attended. And yes, I'm shamelessly bragging because they were actually that good! (I'm the non-costumed old lady in the middle.)

However, after a year of balancing work while Tom and I each waged our cancer battles, I was ready for the summer break.  Tom's radiation treatments ended one week into summer break. Now I'm ready for fun! In my mind it was to be the summer of my dreams. Oh, how I had plans! Tom and I would be celebrating our 40th anniversary. (What fantastic trip would we take?) I had been so tired during the year due to operations and radiation treatments and the stress of cancer, that my gym visits and Ella walks were practically non existent. I vowed that I would be walking Ella every day and I would re-discover all my favorite gym equipment. And the house, oh it was going to get organized. I had just the book to help me.... I couldn't wait to use Melissa Michael's fantastic tips!

So, that first week I started to clean. I worked pretty hard in the house moving boxes, cleaning closets and bending and squatting and lifting and toting.  I wanted to get this part of the summer plan out of the way so that all my vacation plans and fantastic dreams could be made reality. I also did grocery shopping because I had plans of becoming that excellent at home wife who cooks beautiful, inviting and yummy healthy meals every evening of the summer. On this one particular Thursday I worked pretty much non stop. That evening, Tom had a playing job in Flower Mound with his Latin band, Brasuka. They were playing at an outdoor concert. I was looking forward to going to the concert and having a wonderful evening of listening to music and visiting friends. Here is a shot from my vantage point that evening....

You might be thinking, "that is a lousy picture, wonder why she didn't get in front of the band stand so she could get a shot of the whole group?"

Well, let me tell you...this is where the story gets interesting!  When we pulled up to the loading area for Tom to get his equipment out, I went to get out of the car and my left knee was in such pain that I couldn't walk! I literally couldn't walk. It was painful every step of the way. In 90 degree heat I couldn't just sit in the car and wait 3 hours, so Tom helped me drag myself to a table that was close to the car where I could still see the band. I sat there and listened and propped my leg up, hoping that would help. Several of our friends were at the show and came over to ask me to join them. I know I seemed rude when I declined to go and join them but they didn't know that I couldn't move without excruciating pain! So, I sat there alone at my little table, listening to the music with my fingers crossed that all would be well when I got up. At the end of the evening I did get up and it was worse! Tom practically had to drag me to the car. I cried the whole way.  That was June 14th. One and a half weeks into my "perfect" summer.

I slept on the couch that night because our bedrooms are upstairs. Tom got up early and purchased a cane for me so that I could get around and we headed to the doctor's office. They told me to stay off the leg and ice it and get a heating pad. Tom got crutches for me and I spent two weeks pretty much just laying around with my leg elevated on that couch. My condition improved enough that I could walk with the cane. 

We even took a short trip to Austin to visit Jordan for our 40th anniversary trip. I had my crutches and my cane with me. On bad days I used the crutches, on better days I used the cane. I was able to go to one venue that had curbside valet service and an elevator so that I got to hear Jordan on our anniversary. We had a lovely meal and enjoyed watching him play.

We stayed in a motel that is in close proximity to Jordan's playing venues. Tom would go watch

 Jordan play while I lay on the motel bed with my leg elevated. We also were able to go on a boat out on the lake. The only issue was climbing aboard, but Tom helped me and once onboard I had a marvelous time...SITTING and enjoying the ride on the lake. It was a beautiful day.

I also was able to hobble over to our favorite Austin Book store...BOOK PEOPLE. Check it out when you go to Austin because it is the best! Tom and I both bought a book and he also bought me this beautiful wall hanging art piece. (Blog readers will know the significance of the birds.) Tom is the sweetest. 

When we got back home it was clear that my situation wasn't getting any better. An MRI was ordered and it was revealed that I have a torn meniscus. No wonder I've been in pain! So, Tuesday I have an appointment with an orthopedic surgeon, and hopefully I will have surgery very soon to repair this knee. Part of me wishes I could repair the summer; however, another part of me knows that what I had planned was not what God had planned. He knows best.

This past year, Tom and I have been through something really hard. We both have this weird thing that we've learned to do over the years which is ... JUST DO THE NEXT THING. We don't really stop and complain and whine. Oh, I've had my Eeyore days, but, mostly, we've just gotten up each morning and we've done what we were expected to do that day. The task at hand has been a saving grace in many ways. Whatever was in front of us we just faced it. We continued with our daily routines and our jobs on every single day that we could. We went to every treatment and appointment just as each of our doctor's ordered. Sometimes we had to take a day off to rest, but for the most part we have soldiered on. I think God was YELLING at us through the pain in my knee and a torn meniscus to just rest. To just be. To stop with the plans and stop with the big summer expectations. Just sit in the quiet and contemplate all that God has brought us through this year in many little, yet often miraculous ways. 

So, while I thought this was going to be an extremely active summer of trips, visits to cities we love and car rides to see family and friends,  it has turned into the most laid back summer I can remember. And I have re-discovered the joy of reading. So, while I had planned trips and visits and parties, God planned that I would listen to wise counsel and joyous stories and godly advice from wonderful "voices" who have written books.  They have been my summer friends. Here are the books I've read so far this summer. They have been balm for my soul.

Both your husband and you are diagnosed with cancer in the same week.
You think that triggers a little anxiety?
What an understatement.
I NEEDED this book.  Thank you Max Lucado for every beautiful word you write.  A favorite quote from the book, "Life gives lemons to good people, bad people, old people, all people. Life comes with lemons. But we don't have to suck on them."  Also, "you may be facing the perfect storm, but Jesus offers the perfect peace." Thank you Max Lucado. I love your books and the stories you share with us.

This is a great perspective changing book. Don't take yourself so seriously.  Small things.  This is the way to big things happening in a life.  If one is faithful in the small things, one will look back and see that
"you've really had a wonderful life". And some of the things that bother us and put us in a "mood", well they aren't worth the bother. Just get over it.

Alright, girlfriends, Jen Hatmaker is just awesome. I love her wit. I love her long winded wordiness. Also, I love Aunt Carol's salad, which she claims is a cure for the doldrums. I don't know about that, but the salad is my new favorite to make at home. She throws in a delicious recipe or two and tells great stories of her crazy family, their life and their ministries. She makes me laugh and she makes me think. These are two great traits in an author and a friend.
Jen, would you be my best friend? 

I'm not quite done with this one, but I love it. If you are wondering why you're here.  If you have ever wondered,  'what the heck am I good at?' This is a great book for you. Max guides you through how to discover your sweet spot. Once you do, you can know that God wants to use that passion for your good and His glory. Love this book!

I taught Bible Studies at my church for years and one of my favorite, quirky authors of some of the most interesting studies was Margaret Feinberg. This is her story of her cancer battle. She was determined to fight cancer with God given joy. This was a great encouragement to me. I could identify with so much of what she endured. I recommend reading anything by Margaret Feinberg! I also love her because she is a Christian who is proud of her beloved Jewish family and background. 

I love this book. I love the author. I want her to be my other best friend. Since my summer plans were not what I expected, this was a perfect read for me. It really helped me. There is a chapter about friends who have betrayed you that was so good. It felt like she knew my story. Lots of deep wisdom from a treasure of a modern female Christian leader.
Highly recommend ANYTHING by Christine Caine.

A must read people. Louie Giglio never stops challenging me to let God fight my battles.

 And I just want to thank my friend, Janie Davis for inviting me to join her book club. This was the book we read in that club and I loved hearing everyone's perspectives and insights gleaned from Louie Giglio's writing. Wish I could share all of that with you all too. Just get the book. It is a great read.

Great books to help you look at and evaluate and improve your own attitude about your work. Very helpful.

So, this is how I've spent my summer....with Max and Margaret, Christine and Louie, Mr. Acuff and Jen and Melanie. I could have watched Hallmark movies as I sat on the couch with my leg elevated. I'm glad I figured out that they all have the same plot and ending! Although don't get me wrong girlfriend, Hallmark movies are the bomb no matter what your husband says about the bad acting and predictable story lines. Don't listen to him. He watches murder mysteries and sports and in my case, guitar podcasts about melodic triads or something like that.  How can he possibly criticize the occasional Hallmark movie? Next week is Christmas in July. I better find a new book to read or I might get "caught". 

I'm glad that I've chosen to read.  My perspective has changed on a few things and my horizons have been broadened. I've laughed and cried with these authors and I am better for it. I imagine I'll read a few more in the weeks to come.  Oh yeah, I better confess that I have also spent a few hours watching Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee (the new season is out so check it out for lots of laughs!).

School will start in a few weeks. I will be rested. I won't have big stories to tell about my exciting summer trips, but I will have one romantic comedy that I can share about that involves a boy named Tom and a girl name Pam who met she was 14 and he was 16 in Home Economics class ( yeah, that use to be an actual class). These two have faced the good and the bad together and have done that for 40 years. They have this amazing son who has an amazing girlfriend and they love them. They also love playing music. She loves to hear him at all his gigs and she also loves to occasionally be fortunate enough to get to play with him. He's been by her side through cancer diagnoses and treatments, through torn meniscus hobbling around  and through her Eeyore days. She is blessed beyond measure.

40 years together....hope there are many more ahead!

God knew what we needed this summer. Time with Him, time with each other and a lesson in resting and listening and broadening our perspective though other voices and growing our faith. These are good things.

I'm also really thankful that I can SIT at the piano and play and sing to my heart's content. I can also sit at my computer and write! Torn meniscus does not deter those things that are my "sweet spot". 

Friends, find time to put your feet up and enjoy a good book this summer. Sit and talk with your sweetheart. Sit in a favorite chair and dub it your "prayer chair" and spend a little time talking to the One who knows everything about You and loves you just as you are...not some future version of you. Thank you God for an UNEXPECTED summer.

Soli Deo Gloria

PAM

SEASONS

This year has been a rough one for Tom and me. Both of us getting diagnosed with cancer in the same week back in August was surprising and terrifying. A new world of which we have never been a part, suddenly became a part of our lives. It is a world that includes doctors, oncologists, radiologists, nurses, treatments, check ups, Pet scans, CT scans, MRIs, tests, waiting on results, (total stress), sticking, pricking and prodding. And the bills. Yeah, there is that too. We’ve always been healthy. In fact, every nurse has remarked to me, (imagine a surprised, amazed voice) “You mean you’re not on ANY medications?” Nope! This is my first experience with serious illness. And of course, everyone from the doctors to the radiologists to the nurses to the techs have said, “you and your husband do everything together, don’t you?” Yeah, apparently so. Though I must admit, that joke is getting a little old. We are going through this SEASON together. And that is turning out to be a blessing. We can truly empathize with each other through every procedure, the nauseousness, the aches and pains and weird side effects.

It has all been scary; however, from the beginning I have never really asked God, “why?”. I trust God. I’ve trusted Him since I was 7 years old and He has truly never let me down, so somehow from the very start of this journey I knew He wouldn’t let me or Tom down this time either. I’ve been puzzled and maybe a little mad a few times because, you see our journey is ongoing so that means there are good days and bad days. Some days I’m just completely weary of even thinking about it all. That is when I have to remind myself of our agreement from the first day that we joined this sucky club that we didn’t want to belong to! Here is what Tom and and I (and God) agreed to do…

We determined from the very beginning that we were going to take all of this one step at a time and one day at a time. As the old saying goes, “You eat an elephant one bite at a time.”  You also write a book one word at a time, direct a play one scene at a time and write a song one note at a time. We are taking care of what we need to take care of one day at a time. Sometimes we just think of difficult things minute by minute or moment by moment. If there is a procedure to endure we get up that morning and go get’r done. Then, when it is over we go on to the next thing. God seems to give us enough strength for the “next thing”.

We also determined that we would live our lives during this season in as normal a way as possible. We are both thankful for jobs that bring us some fulfillment and that are very much God’s gracious provision for us. These jobs bring a purpose that helps us to focus on what we are responsible for next. We concentrate on the people we are serving or teaching, the music we are making and what God has called us to do for that day. Work is a blessing and a ministry. This definitely takes our minds off of all the “what ifs”. 

We have become much more present in each day, not lost in thinking about times past or dwelling on bad stuff that happened before. I recently heard John Maxwell say that it is important not to feel that you are “going through” something, but instead you are “going TO” something. I like that. Don’t you? We are going TO the day we are completely well again. We are going TO the future that God has prepared for us. There is a new SEASON coming. Yep, even us people who have lived over 5 decades are here to be used by God in our future. Believe it or not, younger folk, people our age also have dreams. We have plans.  Funny story…you have to sign all of this paper work when you go to these cancer doctors. One of the papers is a legal document about resuscitating you if need be. They asked us, do you want to be resuscitated? I was like, “well, duh, heck yeah lady…we’ve got things to do.” And we do! Because you see, this SEASON won’t last forever. We are going TO something new that God will do in us and through us. We have plans and dreams and God has plans and guess what? We are part of them. 

We both know that we have gained a different perspective through this season. Some of that old stuff that use to really bug me seems awfully unimportant now. I see other people struggling with feeling insignificant (you can just tell it in their conversations and demeanor). I’d like to pull them aside and say, “Chill out. It’s all good. God is at work in your life and He is doing something you cannot possibly understand yet. Just be you and do you. That is what He created you to be. Be ok with that. Don’t worry about what others think of you. Don’t worry about what others are doing or accomplishing. Don’t envy them. Just do what you have to do today to the best of your ability through the grace and mercy of our Savior. You’ll get where He wants you to go if you do that. And that is what matters. What HE has planned. If you really do trust Him, what HE wants will be what YOU want too.  And if something YOU want is something HE doesn’t want, you shouldn’t want it anyway. So don’t use all kinds of weird schemes and plans to try to get what you want. If God says, “no” to something, that is a GOOD thing. He knows best my friend! He knows your beginning and your middle and your end. So trust HIM even in the “no's” Don’t worry, if my life is any indication, He’ll work that out of you too.” As my dear husband is famous for saying, “It’s all good.” I’d add to that, it’s all good because God is all good.

I’ve learned that there will always be that person who NEVER says a kind word to you, or about you even when you’ve done an obvious good job at work or you’ve done something for them or helped them or served them in some way. Don’t worry about that. It says much more about THEM than it says about you. If they can’t bring themselves to say, ‘good job’. I feel sorry for them. Because in lifting others up you are lifted up. Truly. Being an encourager does wonders for your soul. I’m good with that. I know that God sees our work, but more importantly, He sees our hearts. I sleep well at night knowing that. He sees Tom and me and you too. And He loves us unconditionally and totally. But can I give you a piece of advice? Encourage the people around you because you don’t know what kind of lives of quiet desperation those people are truly living. Also, it is very rewarding to reward others, praise others and lift them up. If you haven’t tried it, please do. You can thank me later.

Seasons seem to part of God’s plan for all of us. I’ve thought recently about seasons in friendships. I’ve had two very dear friends in my life who I truly thought were “best” friends. After a while however, these friends pulled away from me and obviously weren’t that interested in the friendship anymore. They have been tacky and kinda rude to me actually. Come on, I know you’ll agree with me that one knows when one is on the receiving end of the passive aggressive comments, the little insults and digs. It’s exhausting, truly. With these friends, the feeling of “besties” obviously wasn’t mutual. For a long while this really hurt me. I was certainly embarrassed by it. I thought there was something wrong with me. I felt very much that I was unlikable because of how these friendships turned out. I worried WAY TOO MUCH about this. My “friend radar” was obviously not working properly. It really wasn’t. But, now I’m seeing that there are seasons in some friendships too. Many of us are blessed to have one or two friends that last a lifetime, but often, friendship is seasonal. It is during a time when your paths cross a lot, you work together at the same place or maybe you’re working on the same project for a season. 

Sometimes I think people just need you for a season and then once you’ve done all you can for them, and they don’t see how you can do anything else for them, they move on. Perhaps they find it hard to be around you because you have things going on in your life that make them jealous or maybe it is just that you have things in your life they don’t understand at all or don’t identify with. They aren’t the type of friends who “rejoice with you when you’re rejoicing”, or “mourn with you when your mourning.” That is ok. I’ve finally come to realize that they are just doing the best that they can at their point on their life journey. Cancer has made me see that life is so short and to waste time trying to get answers about these types of relationships is futile. I’ll just do me. They will figure out their stuff, just like I will figure out mine. Honestly, I’m not going to let those kinds of ‘friends’ steal my joy or keep me from shining the light God means for me to shine. I approach them now with forgiveness and grace. I have a mantra of sorts, “walk in forgiveness, walk in grace.” Honestly, I might approach them with a little caution as well. (once burned and all). And that is ok. Cancer has taught me not to worry about THAT! My goodness there are all the other things!

In this season I am clinging to those friends who are warrior friends. They stand arm and arm with me in the battle. When it comes to fighting a battle I want someone who will lock arms with me and stand side by side together to face the foe. No arrows in the back. Just determined faithful friendship ready to fight the good fight right alongside me. What a blessing those friends have been. I have a few of them. Cancer has shown me who my “pray you through it, cry with you through it, stand by you through it, be there for you” friends are. That is another blessing of this ‘battle with cancer’ season.

There are some very personal, important parts of our lives that have been taken away from us for this season. That is one of the saddest parts of this journey. But, even with that, we just make adjustments. That is what you do when you love someone with a forever kind of love. This is where I want to get really serious with people wondering about marriage and such. Make sure the person you marry is your very, very best friend. Make sure you can laugh together uproariously over good things and bad things. Find the humor in the crazy stuff that happens on a daily basis. 

I can give you an example from a few weeks ago. I had just arrived home from work. Tom walked in the door a few minutes after. We found ourselves talking about cancer and treatments and health issues. I was feeling low and kinda bummed. Tom could sense this so he looked at me and said, “I’m going to take you out for supper. You can pick your favorite restaurant. But, we are going to make a deal. We are not going to talk about cancer.” I said, “Sounds like a great idea. No cancer talk at all. We are just going to talk about music, what we’re learning from God right now and our work issues and Jordan and all the things.”  We did a fist bump to seal the deal. Then we walked out the door and walked to our car. When we get in the car Tom turns the radio on and the very first thing we hear is an ad for prostate cancer treatments. Long pause. Stare silently at one another. A few seconds pass. We break into a hilarious fit of laughter. It just seemed crazy funny to both of us at the same time. No cancer talk you say?  The universe says, “I don’t think so!” TOO funny. THAT is what you need when you’re going through something like this. Someone who “gets it”.   

I’m also going back to weight watchers since my radiation treatments are done and I’m starting to feel normal. Normal meaning I feel pretty darn good and I know I need to lose more than just a few. This is definitely my normal. It is time to get healthy in every way! I was at a meeting recently and the leader asked, “So, when you go out to a restaurant and you choose well and eat on program and count your points, how does that make you feel?” One of my fellow weight watcher members shouted out without missing a beat, “hungry”. I laughed so hard. (btw, that gal could be my “bestie” with that attitude and quick wit). When I told Tom about that little weight watcher exchange he immediately “got it” and laughed with me. He understands this is a battle I have to fight; however, I need to be able to laugh about it and keep it positive and upbeat. Beating me up about something I already beat myself up about won’t help me at all.  Yeah, it is important to have a spouse like that. Someone who “gets you” and laughs along with you in your struggles. The scripture says that laughter is good medicine and it certainly has been for us.

Find someone who isn’t going to blow up at you because you left a mess on the bedroom floor or forgot to put the toilet seat down. Those things do not matter in the long run. Don’t stress about that kind of stuff. When you are completely physically exhausted from 7 weeks of radiation treatments sometimes it is just too hard to pick those clothes up off the floor. (just ask Tom…and I have a lot of clothes! ) Life is way too short. If you are stressing over that kind of stuff, get over it. There is so much joy on the other side. Really. Chill. It will all be ok. 

BETH//JAMES 

(Kaela and Jordan)

BRASUKA!

I’m coming to the end of my rant. I haven’t written a blog in a while, so I guess I had a lot to say.  Here are my final tips…try to go to a Beth//James concert. My son and his girlfriend write the BEST songs and are such great musician/singer/songwriter/performers. They just make my heart smile. Also, go to see the band, BRASUKA that my sweet husband, Tom plays in. They do the most joyous Brazilian influenced, Sergio Mendez kind of tunes. You can’t listen to them and stay down in the dumps. It is too beautiful and too joyous. One night during the worst part of my radiation treatments I went to enjoy one of their concerts. It lifted my spirits. I couldn’t help but smile. They’ve also been great buds to Tom during this struggle, checking on him and being all supportive and kind. And if you like Sushi, come hear Tom and me at The Little Katana restaurant in Las Colinas next Friday (April 20). I love to sing and play with Tom. It is one of the joys of my life. Cancer has not robbed me of that. Thank you Jesus! Also, come to Trinity Bible Church on a Sunday morning. We LOVE to lead worship with our friends on the worship team at TBC. The music transcends our trials and brings us into God’s presence where it is truly ALL GOOD.

Here’s to the exciting SEASONS to come. There really is a lot more ahead. I just know it!

Soli Deo Gloria

PAM

Traditions, the Ordinary, the Amazing and the Awful

January 15, 2018

When I finished my last radiation treatment on December 20th, I asked my radiation oncologist, "What do I do now?" He replied, "Nothing really. Just rest and recover".  I've got to be honest, that wasn't what I expected to hear. I expected some long list of things that I would need to change.  I expected more appointments to make and more specific healthcare instructions to follow. I do have one "at home" treatment that I have to administer to myself for quite sometime; but other than that, I'm just following doctor's orders and resting and recovering from the most unexpected, terrifying and exhausting experience of my life.

I'm glad I rang the bell to signify the end of treatment as I posted earlier. Because you see, in many ways walking away from the cancer treatment center that day was quite anticlimactic after all the anxiety, weariness, emotional turmoil, hubbub and daily inconvenience. It felt right to mark the end of that journey with some sort of ceremony. Bell ringing was a good thing. But, with that traditional bell ringing ceremony at the center, no pronouncement is made that you are well. The treatment is over.  That is the pronouncement. That is the celebration. I choose to believe I am healed.

I left the facility that day, went home and slept and rested for two days. I woke up the third day and then went right into "get all of the Christmas shopping done in one and half days mode!" It was a hectic, fun diversion. There were meals to plan, worship services to prepare, cards to write, presents to wrap, friends and family to call or visit, decorating to finish, and a house to clean for my Christmas company. Then, there was the wonderful tradition of Christmas Eve services with our church family and Christmas Day celebration with our little family. That didn't leave a lot of time for "woe is me". All of the traditions we've observed and the Christmas prep that we have done every year of our lives, we did again. Cancer or no cancer - Christmas 2017 came! It reminded me of the routine of life - the ordinary.

The fact that after such a huge event in my life we went right into our traditions that have been with us every year of our lives meant a lot to me. It reminded me that I'm in the middle of my life. It isn't over. There are the very difficult times, but then there are the normal things:  the grocery shopping and the errands and the cleaning and the getting up every morning for work. My life is really not made up of only the major, big horrible moments or the major, big wonderful moments. It is mostly just made up of ordinary days. L.R Knost said:

"Life is amazing. And then it's awful. And then it's amazing again. And in between the amazing and the awful, it's ordinary and mundane and routine. Breathe in the amazing, hold on through the awful, and relax and exhale during the ordinary. That's just living, heart breaking, soul-healing, amazing, awful, ordinary life. And it's breathtakingly beautiful."

I've thought of some of my favorite memories in life and most of them occurred on normal days. I could share many, but I'll share one today. I remember a day, about 26 years ago, when we lived in Weatherford and Tom taught at Weatherford College. He had taken our only car on an out of town trip for work for several days and I didn't have a car.  Jordan was 2 1/2 years old. I was sick of being couped up in the house. We had already walked to the park several times. At the time I probably was mad about it and complaining a bit in my spirit. I don't remember that, but knowing me, that was probably the case. I grabbed Jordan and his stroller and we walked all the way to McDonalds. (don't judge....I know, I know).

Jordan... at 2 years and 2 months

It was a long way from our house. He loved to play on the McDonalds playground. He needed to be entertained and I needed to get out of the house. I ordered him a happy meal and we sat and ate lunch together after we had played on the playground for a long time. While we were eating, in walked a family of short people. When I was young, they were  called "midgets" in those insensitive olden days. I think "short people" is more in keeping with modern terminology. I might be wrong. It is so hard to know how to "label" certain things. The last thing I would want to do is offend. Anyway, Jordan had never seen a family of short people. And as a 2 and1/2 year old he was absolutely mesmerized. I watched him watch every movement the little family made. At first he looked confused, then he shouted at the top of his lungs in a very excited voice, "look mommy! It's puppet people!" I remember cringing. I remember wanting to be invisible. There was a hushed silence that came over the entire restaurant. I smiled at Jordan, grabbed him and the stroller and we headed home. On the way I laughed and told him about families that look different. I explained God made all kinds of people and they are all dearly loved by their creator. We should look at everyone as part of God's precious family.

It was an ordinary day. It started out with me being grouchy because I was couped up in the house, then taking a long walk to just do something different!  I enjoyed the walk and time with my little boy. Then, we did something HE liked to do at a place that HE enjoyed. I loved spending time with him and seeing him have fun. Then, he said something that really was absolutely hilarious considering the circumstances, but I was mortified because I didn't want the people to feel offended. We left quickly and enjoyed a teachable moment on the way home about the beauty of God's imaginative creation and all the wonderful, different types of people in the world. It was just an ordinary day, but really, it was quite extraordinary. To quote L.R. Knost again...It was "breathtakingly beautiful."

On Sunday our Pastor, Jon Sherman, used an umbrella as an illustration. Life is not divided into categories (like the spokes of a big umbrella). Instead, it is all .... the amazing, the awful and the ordinary.... under the umbrella of a loving God working out His purposes. We are called to love HIM with all our heart and soul and mind. After this cancer journey, I realize it really isn't all about me.  Oh, yes, I've read that, heard that and tried to believe that for sometime. But, I don't know if I've really KNOWN it.  You know?

Sometimes things will work out just like I want them to. More often than not, they won't. Sometimes it will just be an ordinary Tuesday. People will let me down, gossip about me, try to compete with me, (I really didn't know there was a competition). But sometimes, (like in the midst of a cancer journey) people will be amazing.  Remember Pam: (I'm talking to myself here!) it isn't about me!  If I realize I'm walking under the umbrella of God's love and I'm blessed to be a part of THE story that HE is telling the world, then my ordinary days will suddenly seem quite extraordinary. The fact He can use me to help tell the story, well that is definitely extraordinary. Maybe I will begin to recognize more of my ordinary days as being "breathtakingly beautiful". I hope so.

So here's to a healthy 2018. We still have to get Tom through his cancer treatments. We ask your prayers for him on the journey he will walk this spring. We will get through it. We will face the amazing, the awful and the ordinary under the big umbrella of the love of God.

Soli Deo Gloria,

Pam