SEASONS

This year has been a rough one for Tom and me. Both of us getting diagnosed with cancer in the same week back in August was surprising and terrifying. A new world of which we have never been a part, suddenly became a part of our lives. It is a world that includes doctors, oncologists, radiologists, nurses, treatments, check ups, Pet scans, CT scans, MRIs, tests, waiting on results, (total stress), sticking, pricking and prodding. And the bills. Yeah, there is that too. We’ve always been healthy. In fact, every nurse has remarked to me, (imagine a surprised, amazed voice) “You mean you’re not on ANY medications?” Nope! This is my first experience with serious illness. And of course, everyone from the doctors to the radiologists to the nurses to the techs have said, “you and your husband do everything together, don’t you?” Yeah, apparently so. Though I must admit, that joke is getting a little old. We are going through this SEASON together. And that is turning out to be a blessing. We can truly empathize with each other through every procedure, the nauseousness, the aches and pains and weird side effects.

It has all been scary; however, from the beginning I have never really asked God, “why?”. I trust God. I’ve trusted Him since I was 7 years old and He has truly never let me down, so somehow from the very start of this journey I knew He wouldn’t let me or Tom down this time either. I’ve been puzzled and maybe a little mad a few times because, you see our journey is ongoing so that means there are good days and bad days. Some days I’m just completely weary of even thinking about it all. That is when I have to remind myself of our agreement from the first day that we joined this sucky club that we didn’t want to belong to! Here is what Tom and and I (and God) agreed to do…

We determined from the very beginning that we were going to take all of this one step at a time and one day at a time. As the old saying goes, “You eat an elephant one bite at a time.”  You also write a book one word at a time, direct a play one scene at a time and write a song one note at a time. We are taking care of what we need to take care of one day at a time. Sometimes we just think of difficult things minute by minute or moment by moment. If there is a procedure to endure we get up that morning and go get’r done. Then, when it is over we go on to the next thing. God seems to give us enough strength for the “next thing”.

We also determined that we would live our lives during this season in as normal a way as possible. We are both thankful for jobs that bring us some fulfillment and that are very much God’s gracious provision for us. These jobs bring a purpose that helps us to focus on what we are responsible for next. We concentrate on the people we are serving or teaching, the music we are making and what God has called us to do for that day. Work is a blessing and a ministry. This definitely takes our minds off of all the “what ifs”. 

We have become much more present in each day, not lost in thinking about times past or dwelling on bad stuff that happened before. I recently heard John Maxwell say that it is important not to feel that you are “going through” something, but instead you are “going TO” something. I like that. Don’t you? We are going TO the day we are completely well again. We are going TO the future that God has prepared for us. There is a new SEASON coming. Yep, even us people who have lived over 5 decades are here to be used by God in our future. Believe it or not, younger folk, people our age also have dreams. We have plans.  Funny story…you have to sign all of this paper work when you go to these cancer doctors. One of the papers is a legal document about resuscitating you if need be. They asked us, do you want to be resuscitated? I was like, “well, duh, heck yeah lady…we’ve got things to do.” And we do! Because you see, this SEASON won’t last forever. We are going TO something new that God will do in us and through us. We have plans and dreams and God has plans and guess what? We are part of them. 

We both know that we have gained a different perspective through this season. Some of that old stuff that use to really bug me seems awfully unimportant now. I see other people struggling with feeling insignificant (you can just tell it in their conversations and demeanor). I’d like to pull them aside and say, “Chill out. It’s all good. God is at work in your life and He is doing something you cannot possibly understand yet. Just be you and do you. That is what He created you to be. Be ok with that. Don’t worry about what others think of you. Don’t worry about what others are doing or accomplishing. Don’t envy them. Just do what you have to do today to the best of your ability through the grace and mercy of our Savior. You’ll get where He wants you to go if you do that. And that is what matters. What HE has planned. If you really do trust Him, what HE wants will be what YOU want too.  And if something YOU want is something HE doesn’t want, you shouldn’t want it anyway. So don’t use all kinds of weird schemes and plans to try to get what you want. If God says, “no” to something, that is a GOOD thing. He knows best my friend! He knows your beginning and your middle and your end. So trust HIM even in the “no's” Don’t worry, if my life is any indication, He’ll work that out of you too.” As my dear husband is famous for saying, “It’s all good.” I’d add to that, it’s all good because God is all good.

I’ve learned that there will always be that person who NEVER says a kind word to you, or about you even when you’ve done an obvious good job at work or you’ve done something for them or helped them or served them in some way. Don’t worry about that. It says much more about THEM than it says about you. If they can’t bring themselves to say, ‘good job’. I feel sorry for them. Because in lifting others up you are lifted up. Truly. Being an encourager does wonders for your soul. I’m good with that. I know that God sees our work, but more importantly, He sees our hearts. I sleep well at night knowing that. He sees Tom and me and you too. And He loves us unconditionally and totally. But can I give you a piece of advice? Encourage the people around you because you don’t know what kind of lives of quiet desperation those people are truly living. Also, it is very rewarding to reward others, praise others and lift them up. If you haven’t tried it, please do. You can thank me later.

Seasons seem to part of God’s plan for all of us. I’ve thought recently about seasons in friendships. I’ve had two very dear friends in my life who I truly thought were “best” friends. After a while however, these friends pulled away from me and obviously weren’t that interested in the friendship anymore. They have been tacky and kinda rude to me actually. Come on, I know you’ll agree with me that one knows when one is on the receiving end of the passive aggressive comments, the little insults and digs. It’s exhausting, truly. With these friends, the feeling of “besties” obviously wasn’t mutual. For a long while this really hurt me. I was certainly embarrassed by it. I thought there was something wrong with me. I felt very much that I was unlikable because of how these friendships turned out. I worried WAY TOO MUCH about this. My “friend radar” was obviously not working properly. It really wasn’t. But, now I’m seeing that there are seasons in some friendships too. Many of us are blessed to have one or two friends that last a lifetime, but often, friendship is seasonal. It is during a time when your paths cross a lot, you work together at the same place or maybe you’re working on the same project for a season. 

Sometimes I think people just need you for a season and then once you’ve done all you can for them, and they don’t see how you can do anything else for them, they move on. Perhaps they find it hard to be around you because you have things going on in your life that make them jealous or maybe it is just that you have things in your life they don’t understand at all or don’t identify with. They aren’t the type of friends who “rejoice with you when you’re rejoicing”, or “mourn with you when your mourning.” That is ok. I’ve finally come to realize that they are just doing the best that they can at their point on their life journey. Cancer has made me see that life is so short and to waste time trying to get answers about these types of relationships is futile. I’ll just do me. They will figure out their stuff, just like I will figure out mine. Honestly, I’m not going to let those kinds of ‘friends’ steal my joy or keep me from shining the light God means for me to shine. I approach them now with forgiveness and grace. I have a mantra of sorts, “walk in forgiveness, walk in grace.” Honestly, I might approach them with a little caution as well. (once burned and all). And that is ok. Cancer has taught me not to worry about THAT! My goodness there are all the other things!

In this season I am clinging to those friends who are warrior friends. They stand arm and arm with me in the battle. When it comes to fighting a battle I want someone who will lock arms with me and stand side by side together to face the foe. No arrows in the back. Just determined faithful friendship ready to fight the good fight right alongside me. What a blessing those friends have been. I have a few of them. Cancer has shown me who my “pray you through it, cry with you through it, stand by you through it, be there for you” friends are. That is another blessing of this ‘battle with cancer’ season.

There are some very personal, important parts of our lives that have been taken away from us for this season. That is one of the saddest parts of this journey. But, even with that, we just make adjustments. That is what you do when you love someone with a forever kind of love. This is where I want to get really serious with people wondering about marriage and such. Make sure the person you marry is your very, very best friend. Make sure you can laugh together uproariously over good things and bad things. Find the humor in the crazy stuff that happens on a daily basis. 

I can give you an example from a few weeks ago. I had just arrived home from work. Tom walked in the door a few minutes after. We found ourselves talking about cancer and treatments and health issues. I was feeling low and kinda bummed. Tom could sense this so he looked at me and said, “I’m going to take you out for supper. You can pick your favorite restaurant. But, we are going to make a deal. We are not going to talk about cancer.” I said, “Sounds like a great idea. No cancer talk at all. We are just going to talk about music, what we’re learning from God right now and our work issues and Jordan and all the things.”  We did a fist bump to seal the deal. Then we walked out the door and walked to our car. When we get in the car Tom turns the radio on and the very first thing we hear is an ad for prostate cancer treatments. Long pause. Stare silently at one another. A few seconds pass. We break into a hilarious fit of laughter. It just seemed crazy funny to both of us at the same time. No cancer talk you say?  The universe says, “I don’t think so!” TOO funny. THAT is what you need when you’re going through something like this. Someone who “gets it”.   

I’m also going back to weight watchers since my radiation treatments are done and I’m starting to feel normal. Normal meaning I feel pretty darn good and I know I need to lose more than just a few. This is definitely my normal. It is time to get healthy in every way! I was at a meeting recently and the leader asked, “So, when you go out to a restaurant and you choose well and eat on program and count your points, how does that make you feel?” One of my fellow weight watcher members shouted out without missing a beat, “hungry”. I laughed so hard. (btw, that gal could be my “bestie” with that attitude and quick wit). When I told Tom about that little weight watcher exchange he immediately “got it” and laughed with me. He understands this is a battle I have to fight; however, I need to be able to laugh about it and keep it positive and upbeat. Beating me up about something I already beat myself up about won’t help me at all.  Yeah, it is important to have a spouse like that. Someone who “gets you” and laughs along with you in your struggles. The scripture says that laughter is good medicine and it certainly has been for us.

Find someone who isn’t going to blow up at you because you left a mess on the bedroom floor or forgot to put the toilet seat down. Those things do not matter in the long run. Don’t stress about that kind of stuff. When you are completely physically exhausted from 7 weeks of radiation treatments sometimes it is just too hard to pick those clothes up off the floor. (just ask Tom…and I have a lot of clothes! ) Life is way too short. If you are stressing over that kind of stuff, get over it. There is so much joy on the other side. Really. Chill. It will all be ok. 

BETH//JAMES 

(Kaela and Jordan)

BRASUKA!

I’m coming to the end of my rant. I haven’t written a blog in a while, so I guess I had a lot to say.  Here are my final tips…try to go to a Beth//James concert. My son and his girlfriend write the BEST songs and are such great musician/singer/songwriter/performers. They just make my heart smile. Also, go to see the band, BRASUKA that my sweet husband, Tom plays in. They do the most joyous Brazilian influenced, Sergio Mendez kind of tunes. You can’t listen to them and stay down in the dumps. It is too beautiful and too joyous. One night during the worst part of my radiation treatments I went to enjoy one of their concerts. It lifted my spirits. I couldn’t help but smile. They’ve also been great buds to Tom during this struggle, checking on him and being all supportive and kind. And if you like Sushi, come hear Tom and me at The Little Katana restaurant in Las Colinas next Friday (April 20). I love to sing and play with Tom. It is one of the joys of my life. Cancer has not robbed me of that. Thank you Jesus! Also, come to Trinity Bible Church on a Sunday morning. We LOVE to lead worship with our friends on the worship team at TBC. The music transcends our trials and brings us into God’s presence where it is truly ALL GOOD.

Here’s to the exciting SEASONS to come. There really is a lot more ahead. I just know it!

Soli Deo Gloria

PAM