"COME AND SEE WHAT GOD HAS DONE"

(This is a lovely Christmas song entitled, "Noel" that I had the honor of singing last year on Christmas Eve. This is a video of the song from one of the Christmas Eve services, 2016.)

The line from the song in the above video, "Come and see what God has done" is the title for today's blog. Because you see, God has done a lot in my life this fall. Here is a little bit more of the story of my cancer/life journey.

On Wednesday, December 20th I had my final radiation treatment! It was a big deal. They have a tradition at the treatment facility. When you finish your radiation treatments you read aloud a quote that is displayed on the wall. Sorry, I didn't memorize it or write it down; however, it was all about the journey you've completed and looking forward to the future with hope. After you read it, you ring a bell three times. Well, I rang the heck out of that sucker. Here is a pic....

Can you tell that I am quite happy? So thankful to be done with my treatments for cancer. So hopeful that the cancer is out of my body and I'm on the road to being healthy and whole. That is what we are claiming and believing. I'm healing and feeling a little bit better with each sunrise.

As I came to the finish of the prescribed treatments it seemed like a real time of reflection. I had some hard moments this fall, but at every turn I saw the grace of God. God's grace was evident in the kind hug of a radiation technician who saw the tears in my eyes before one particularly difficult treatment. God's grace was evident in a husband willing to drive me to treatments every single, solitary day. It was not convenient. It was a huge inconvenience; however, Tom wanted to support me. He shows his love through his gift of service and that gift was given to him by the grace of God.  God's grace was evident in my son, who called every day to check up on me and encourage me and lift me up during this time. It was by the grace of God that my PetScan was clear and I was told I would not need to have chemotherapy, when two weeks prior they had said I would probably have to have chemo. It was by the grace of God that I was able to keep working throughout the daily radiation treatments. It was the grace of God who led my boss to write me encouraging notes and to ask my fellow teachers (public school mind you) to pray for me. It was by the grace of God that I had dear friends who called me or texted me, or sent me an encouraging note. I received many of those calls, texts and notes just at a moment when I felt alone and fearful. It was by the grace of God that I made it through one of the most difficult seasons I've faced so far in life.  It will be by the grace of God that I learn to be more caring and aware of people who are sick and struggling. By His grace, maybe I can be the one who offers the hug or the kind word or note of encouragement. Now that I know how much it means to someone, I must pay it forward.

I'll be sharing some of the things that I learned during this season in the next few blogs. As a little bit of an introduction to that, I want to end today's entry with a mention of one of the main things I've gained from this journey. I have just begun to gain an elementary understanding of COMMON GRACE. I'm also growing in my theology of work. These two things are changing me in ways I never imagined. I'll be sharing more about it in blogs to come.

God is bigger than I've thought Him to be. He uses people and things that I never imagined He would use. He can use an atheist doctor to heal many people. He can be helpful and kind and compassionate. Because the doctor is not a Christian, would I refuse to be treated by him? That would be ludicrous. God gifted that man or woman...even if they don't acknowledge where their intelligence, compassion,  calling and drive came from. 

God's story is being told, His story is going to be told and He is writing it in whatever way He pleases using whatever people or instruments of grace that He chooses. COMMON GRACE is changing the way I see the world and I am very thankful for that. 

"The Lord is good to all and His mercy is over all that He has made." Psalm 145:9

"For when Gentiles, who do not have the law, by nature do what the law requires, they are a law to themselves, even though they do not have the law. They show that the work of the law is written on their hearts, while their conscience also bears witness, and their conflicting thoughts accuse or even excuse them."  - Romans 2:14-15

"But, I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father which is in Heaven. For He makes His sun rise on the evil and the good and sends rain on the just and the unjust." - Matthew 5:44-45

Very thankful to have seen and acknowledge God's grace to everyone.

Soli Deo gloria

Pam

November 14, 2017

Good news, Birds and God's Love

About 4 years ago I had a really hurtful experience and I sank into a clinical depression. It was horrible. No one really knew-except Tom, who as he always does, hung in there with me and helped to see me through that ugly, dark pit.

During that time I prayed a lot. I was on my knees quite a bit just asking God to help me. One night, when I was particularly sad, somehow I came to an "agreement" with God. I just expressed in a prayer that I needed to be assured of His love for me. I asked for some kind of sign. When you're going through depression sometimes you just need something tangible to help you. It came to my mind that I needed a reminder of God's deep love for me.  During one of my heartfelt prayer sessions I felt like I heard God's voice (no, I'm not a weirdo...He didn't speak out loud). It was just a strong impression. It seemed to say, "whenever you hear a bird sing, it is my reminder to you that I love you".  This became our "agreement".

That may sound crazy, but for me it was a tangible thing that manifested itself in truly amazing ways. On one particular dark night I cried myself to sleep. The next morning I woke up and the first thing I heard were some birds singing outside my bedroom window. It felt like a warm hug from a God who truly loves me. Ever since then whenever I hear a bird sing, I think..."God is giving me the reminder that He sees, He knows and He cares for me." Since that time, I've heard birds singing at the most interesting moments.

Fast forward to this "C" word experience. Cancer sucks. In case your wondering how I feel about it, I'll say it again...CANCER SUCKS! For the past 2 weeks I've been waiting on approval from my insurance company for a PetScan that my oncologist ordered so that they could do the test to determine whether or not radiation will be enough of a treatment, or if I will have to endure chemotherapy. I'm scared to death of chemotherapy. I have been so anxious for 2 weeks. I haven't been able to sleep, my blood pressure (which has never been high) has been through the roof, I have heart palpitations and I've felt like a basket case.  Not trying to sugar coat anything here; instead, just giving you the facts. You can tell, I haven't been a super strong soldier.

Now that you know the back-story I must tell you the remarkable story of this past weekend.

On Friday night my sweet friend, Kara Walton (who is our vocalist intern at church) reserved tickets for Tom and me to go to the UNT Jazz Singer concert to hear her and the group perform. Friday after school I felt pretty tired and kind of sick to my stomach. Tom encouraged me to suck it up and go to the performance. He knew I'd love to see Kara sing and he knew that I love Jennifer Barnes and the Jazz Singers. Tom knew it would lift my spirits. It did.

After the concert we waited to say hi to Kara. She came and gave us a hug and we congratulated her on a wonderful performance. She gave me a little package and said her mother had made something special for me. Her mom couldn't make the concert and she wanted to express her gratitude to Tom and I for being Kara's Texas family. Kara's mom had hand sewn four beautiful little birds. There was one for spring, summer, fall and winter. They were precious. Kara also gave me a note from her mom.

We drove home after the concert and when I unloaded the car I grabbed the birds, but misplaced the note. I hadn't had a chance to read it.

I have one dear and close long time friend, Margaret Ashmore who is a cancer survivor. She's been through it all - chemo, radiation, t-cell transplant, etc. She's been on the cancer rollercoaster. On Sunday morning I couldn't get calmed down. I had been up most of the night. I sent her a text message and asked her to pray. I told her that I just couldn't get a handle on my anxiety. It was getting the best of me. She understood and promised to pray and talk with me later in the day.

The entire day Sunday was an emotional rollercoaster. On top of my anxious thoughts I had guilt for not being able to just give my anxiety to God and leave it there. I was not handling the waiting and not knowing well at all. I practiced deep breathing, sat quietly, went outside for fresh air. Really, nothing at all was working. Then I went to get some things out of the car and I found the note from Kara's mom. I read it. She explained her inspiration for making the birds for me. She also wrote out every lyric to the song, "His Eye is on the Sparrow". "Jesus is my portion, my constant friend is He, He eye is on the sparrow and I know He watches me. I sing because I'm happy, I sing because I'm free. His eye is on the sparrow and I know He watches me." Each little bird also had a bell sewn into it so that it sounds like the bird is singing when you shake it.

I cried my eyes out. I realized that God really was listening to my cries for help. He heard my prayer and He gave me the most amazing tangible reminder. After reading Kara's mom's notes about the birds my anxiety went away. For the first time in two weeks I could breathe without a tightness in my chest. I knew God was listening and He heard my cries. He had manifested our "agreement" in the sweetest way. Kara didn't know about my bird agreement. Neither did her mom. Crazy coincidence? I think not!

That night I decided to reach out on Facebook and ask people to pray. Over 300 people agreed to pray for me. My mom's church and her prayer group were remembering me in prayer. My McAnally family was praying for me. People at TBC were praying for me. Former students were praying for me. Tom's former students were praying for me. Musician friends were praying for me. Jordan and his friends in Austin were praying for me. Even a friend who lives in Korea was praying for me! It was an amazing and encouraging outpouring of love.

The results of the scan came in today. It was a CLEAN SCAN. The one lymph node that had been swollen...no cancer...it was clean. I will not have to have chemotherapy! If I can get through these next few weeks of radiation, that will be the extent of my treatment for this bout with the dreaded "C" word.

I am amazed at the goodness of God. He is the healer. That lymph node was swollen two weeks ago in the CatScan. Between that time and Monday's PetScan, it was healed. I give God the credit. The prayers of the Saints were heard. I am blessed beyond measure.

Since I can't hear birds singing in the radiation room I now take one of the little birds that Kara's mom made me into the room with me. I hold it during my treatment and jingle it a little to hear its song. It is a tangible reminder that God is in that radiation room with me. Sometimes I imagine the angel armies in the room as well. I know this for sure....God loves me. He loves you too. My little birds serve as a tangible reminder.

Thanks for the prayers my friends. You are an amazing army of prayer warriors and I am forever grateful. Your sincere prayers were answered in the most incredible, positive way.

Soli Deo Gloria.

Pam

Here we are on September 30, 2017. It has been ten days since my last blog. I have several friends who have asked me to give an update on what is going on with me and my health, so here goes.

Before I start, I want to say that my heck of a catch, funny, kind, handsome, talented and ever so tolerant of my crap husband is a jewel. He has a saying that he is kind of famous for in some circles..."It's all good".  You can dole out the biggest load of you know what on him and he will work through it and eventually kindly say, "it's all GOOD." It is because he has this spirit of faith. It is wonderful to live with. He really believes it is going to work out for our good. He believes "God's got this", and he lives like it. His attitude is ALL GOOD for me right now, because that is the spirit I need to be around! Thank you Tom.

On Tuesday of last week I had my appointment with my surgeon/oncologist to go over the findings after my surgery. Tom was sweet enough to go with me to support me. I was nervous as we walked into the doctor's office. The first thing that they do after calling you back into the examining area is take your blood pressure and record your weight. Tom noticed that right next to the scale where they weigh us female patients was a huge picture of a bunch of elephants. He pointed this out to me and the nurse and neither one of us could stop laughing. He suggested they find pictures of slim animals to display above the scale. GOOD point Tom. And thanks for the belly laugh at just the right moment.

The sweet nurse ushered us into an examining room. We had to wait there for about 20 or 25 minutes. There was an LED screen right beside us that kept changing images. All of the images were quotes about keeping a good attitude and trying to find the positives and humor in life. One screen suggested all kinds of different ways to find something to laugh about. There was a screen that debunked the "myths" about patients diagnosed with cancer. There was a big picture of delicious looking cookies. The screen explained that although diets with lots of sugar are not healthy and sugar shouldn't be over indulged in, eating a cookie will not cause your cancer to get worse. Not eating a cookie will not cause your cancer to get better. Good to know, since one well meaning lady told me in quite emphatic terms to stop eating sugar. "People with cancer should not eat sugar".  Thanks friend! Great. I've got cancer and I can't even have an occasional cookie. GOOD news about that being a myth. All of the messages that came across the screen were about "hanging in there."

As we waited we kept reading the screens and I finally said to Tom, I don't think it is going to be good news today. I told him, "I don't think they would have put us in the 'keep a stiff upper lip' room if it was good news." About the time I made this observation my surgeon/oncologist walked in. I really like this lady. She is brilliant. She did an amazing job on my surgery. I have had so little pain and today I feel better than I have felt in months. She has a no nonsense approach to everything she tells me, yet she remains positive and she is actually very funny. She has a dry wit which I love and somehow I have a lot of confidence in her. She has the kind of demeanor that gives you confidence in her and her brilliance and her ability and her experience. I like her. It is a GOOD thing that I really like her because she had some not great news to deliver.

So, she took some lymph nodes when she did the complete hysterectomy. Two came back with tumor cells. So, I have stage 3 cancer. NOT GOOD. I started to cry and have a little melt down. She kept saying, "you're stronger than you think you are". Tom kept rubbing my back as I had a little pity party.  Dr. Vasquez kept talking and I heard a lot of it, but my mind was kind of racing with the thought, "stage 3 cancer, DANG!" Tom listened intently to everything she said. It was GOOD that he did, because he helped me understand everything later after I had calmed down.

We had hoped the surgery would be the cure. The surgery was successful, the surgery was GOOD. I feel so much better after taking out all of those woman parts that I wasn't really using anymore anyway. They had served me well, but I was quite fine with saying goodbye to those parts that had gone bad. "I don't need you anymore, be gone!" So, the surgery really was quite GOOD. But, it wasn't the cure. It was mostly the cure, but this ain't horse shoes, so we have some more to do before this chapter is behind us.

As soon as I am completely healed from the surgery I will have 6 weeks of radiation. My brilliant doctor cared enough to take my case before a board of doctors and discuss the way to proceed. Apparently, I have stage 3 cancer, but the bad cells in the lymph nodes are truly very, very small....grade one.  Because of this, they all agreed radiation should do the trick.  I felt even more confidence in her direction to proceed in this way because she had talked to several other oncologists about my case. She cared that much. To my way of thinking radiation sounds GOOD in comparison to chemo. Chemo seems to be a terrible kick in the pants. I know that could be in my future; but, right now it doesn't look like that will be necessary. That is REALLY GOOD.

I have to confess I was a bit of a blubbering mess. I told her that I remember her telling me that only one percent of her patients with this type of case have cells in their lymph nodes. I said, "how could I be so unlucky?" She replied, "I have had to tell a patient today that they are dying. My dear, I'm giving you good news." See...don't you love her? She is so to the point. I deal with honest, direct, put me in my place if you need to truth tellers quite well. She changed my perspective immediately. That was GOOD. Thanks Doc!

We walked out of the doctor's office after coming up with the plan on how we are going to proceed. I like having a plan. We have a problem and we have a plan, created by educated, experienced, brilliant doctors who are much more intelligent and knowledgeable than me. That is very GOOD.

So, here is the deal. Tom always says, "It's all good." Tom gets that attitude from his belief in the scriptures. Specifically the one that says, "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to His purpose." You can find that one in Romans chapter 8 verse 28. Now that is GOOD news.

Did you notice that in every detail of this story there has been something good?  I've got a fight ahead of me. "It's all good". I've got two parents who are praying for me all throughout the day. They have Bible study groups, and church groups and prayer groups that are also praying for me. "It's all good." I have these friends who text me, call me, do kind things for me like bringing meals, sending flowers, giving me a gift card to restaurant. These people have been a blessing to my soul at a time when I desperately needed it! "It's all good." I have a work family that checks in on me regularly. They tell me my students have missed me. They tell me they miss me! My boss might be the most understanding boss on the planet. "It's all good." I have a son who calls every day to check on me and to check my attitude. He tells me I'm strong and I can do this. Kinda cool that he thinks I'm strong. I need to be if he thinks I am. "It's all good." My church family has been praying for me, the elders prayed over me and did the anointing my head with oil deal.... a little messy, but a true blessing to my spirit and my soul. And then, there is Tom. My "it's all good" hero.

You need to know something. Tom was diagnosed with cancer one week after I was. His surgery will be coming soon. We are hoping it will happen later in October before my radiation begins. Lots of stuff to juggle these days.  I told my surgeon this news and she said, "you two are so weird...do you do EVERYTHING together?" And we said, "apparently so".  If we have to go through this, it is GOOD to have someone to walk through it with.

So, pray for us, ok? We are doing well. It was a beautiful day today. We led worship at a Kid's Hope training this morning and headed out to the church to get things prepared for worship at TBC tomorrow. We had brunch together afterwards and laughed and talked. We are blessed beyond measure to have each other. I am blessed to have breath in my lungs to breathe another day. I truly believe, like Tom does, that "God's got this." He uses all those brilliant doctors and nurses, kind techs and receptionists and radiologists and all those medical professionals to bring about healing.  I'm confident He will heal us both. And we both believe that whatever happens, it truly is, ALL GOOD.

Blessings to you all! I've inserted a song below that I recorded a few years ago. The message couldn't be truer in my heart than it is today. GOD is GOOD.

PAM



https://www.reverbnation.com/pamburchill/song/21234440-you-are-still-holy-written-by-rita

Today is September 20, 2017

On August 22nd I was diagnosed with cancer. What a surprise. I didn't see that coming! When you hear the C word, it does take you a few minutes to digest it. Lots of horrible thoughts come flooding into your mind. Then, after a little while you realize, "Oh, ok. This is something I have to walk through. Put your big girl panties on and get through it."

So, that is what I'm doing. I'm walking through unknown territory. I had surgery one week ago today. I am amazed that it went as well as it did and I feel as good as I do. I'm a fortunate person who has not been sick too much in my lifetime. Modern medicine is truly remarkable. My cancer was in my uterus, so I had a hysterectomy. It was done laparoscopically, which means my surgeon is skilled with robotic surgery! Because of this, my recovery time will be much shorter than it would have been had they cut through muscles, etc.  The pain has been minimal. In fact, I think I feel great and start doing things around the house and then I get dizzy and crash. So...I'm taking it easy and trying to follow doctor's orders.

My surgeon took out some lymph nodes and we are still waiting on the results from the pathology lab. The prayer is that the pathology report comes back completely clear with no cancer cells present. Then, the surgery will be the cure.

Do I have any pearls of wisdom as I walk through this unexpected journey? Nope. Absolutely none. In fact, I'm kinda sick of people who seem to think they have it all together and can give you all of life's answers tied up neatly in a few paragraphs. I don't intend to be part of that club.

I was pretty sure I had my year all planned.  I had worked on my lessons for the upcoming school year during the summer and had attended some cool training before school started and I was ready to go. I also had been offered a weekly duo gig with Tom. We love playing together so I was so excited about that. Both of these things have had to be put on "hold". I wasn't planning on that. I guess I don't really know what to expect now.

But, I know that I will walk through whatever is put in front of me. I will make it through because I have a Savior who holds me in His hand. God will see me through. He uses kind nurses at the hospital and helpful techs. He uses brilliant surgeons, oncologists, anesthesiologists. He uses prayerful friends who offer a word of support and maybe stop by to just say hi, send a bouquet of flowers or a thoughtful card or text or instant message.  He also uses loving folks who bring a meal to help out.

I know I am thankful for Tom, my husband. He has been a jewel. He is so helpful, so kind. He's a true, loyal, best friend and understanding, loving partner for sure. I'm thankful for the prayers of friends. I'm thankful for parents who call every day to say they are praying for me and cheering me on. I'm thankful for a son who will take a break from his busy life to drive up from Austin to hang with his mom for a couple days as she recuperates. I'm thankful for a boss and a workplace full of good people who have all been supportive and understanding. I also have friends at church who are praying for me as well.

I'm ready to get back to work. Ready for some good news (hopefully, clear pathology report). This has been a wake up call. We can't always count on having all the time we thought we would. So, I plan on changing some things. I plan on doing things I love and looking forward and moving forward with purpose. I plan on giving up past hurts and complaints and moving on. I plan on not wasting my time with people who don't care two cents for me. If the big C word does anything, it makes you stop and think and decide. I've decided to enjoy my days and live my life to the fullest that I possibly can.

One last thing....I'm tired of chicken. It seems that when people bring meals to sick people the "go-to" meal is something with chicken. Over it.

That is all. No big words of wisdom. Just a wish and a prayer that all will be well and that we will move forward finding  joy and happiness, meaning and purpose. May God bless you, who took the time to read this! It is well with my soul.  Pam