Racial Reconciliation

July 12, 2016

Can you believe the sad events of the last week? It has made me very anxious. I know there is a deep racial divide in our country and I don't know what to do about it. It hurts my heart that Philando Castile and Alton Sterling were shot by police in horrible, questionable circumstances and my angst about it separates me from people who don't feel the same.

I am also completely heart broken and almost dumb founded with the fact that a troubled, crazed, wicked gunman would ambush policeman who were simply serving and protecting a group that was peacefully protesting.  This is sadder than sad. Lorne Ahrens, Patirck Zamarripa, Michael Smith, Brent Thompson and Michael Krol were courageous, dedicated policemen and family men. They leave grieving wives and children behind and a grieving, shocked nation. I heard a great pastor say once that when you speak to someone who is expressing their feelings you must answer with feelings, and when you are speaking with someone giving you facts you answer with facts. Well, today I'm answering feelings with feelings because the wounds are too recent to do much more than just feel that pain.

When I hear racist comments it makes me cringe. Usually I'm pretty quick to speak against hateful comments, but sometimes I just retreat. I walk away and think how sad, how hateful, how ridiculous. But I don't know what to do about it. I don't know how to change minds or hearts. I know that ultimately only God can change hearts and minds. But, God also created me to be unique and to be a vessel to be used for His glory. Knowing how to go about doing that is hard for me sometimes. I'm not a self assured type of person and I wonder if I can make a difference at all.

I am confident that I am part of a bigger story. So, since I really do believe this to be true, my little stories from my life experiences are part of that bigger story too. So today I'm going to share some stories of things that have happened in my life to show me that there truly is a racial divide, people are hateful to others because of the color of their skin and many people have a heart that is so hardened about this issue that they fail to see it exists or they just don't want to admit that it does.

 In 2001 I accepted a teaching position at O.D. Wyatt High School in Fort Worth, Texas. I was the assistant (mostly just the accompanist) to a brilliant choir director named Jewel Kelly. She had taught in the public schools as a choir director for over 40 years at that time. She was a great choral director and an inspirational individual. At that time O.D. Wyatt was primarily an African American school. I only remember 2 white students and 2 other white teachers besides myself.  I was definitely the minority at this job.

I learned so much about teaching choir from Ms. Kelly. She was a force of nature. My biggest education came from being in the African American culture.  I was definitely the outsider, but was treated very well; however, there was a level of distrust towards me. In my years of being a teacher I have always bonded quickly with my students. By the second or third day of a new school year there are students who seem to like me and want to come into my room to talk with me or hang out. It was not that way at Wyatt. I think it took about 6 weeks for any students to warm up to me. I remember one time making a sarcastic, what I thought was witty remark as I often do with my students and it was immediately misinterpreted, misunderstood and met with disdain. I was just making a joke! But I realize I had offended some students and they did not like that type of sarcasm coming from the only white lady in the room. I learned to weigh my words carefully because I obviously was not trusted enough to be sarcastic!

I was always in awe of the sounds Ms. Kelly could get from her choirs. She was able to get a beautiful choral blend and she cared for the details and nuance in the music. I felt more emotion from her groups than I have ever felt in any other musical setting. I've had plenty of directors or musician or singer friends talk about expressing the story in a song, but no one can get that out of singers like Jewel Kelly. She is amazing in that way. Because of this exceptional emotion and musical excellence her choirs are asked to perform all over the state and in other parts of the country as well! She has former choir members who would brag about her in the same glowing terms. One such former student is the extremely talented, grammy winning Kirk Franklin.

I'm going to share some true experiences that I have had so you can start to see how my opinion about racism and a great racial divide has been formed. Here we go...

Wyatt choirs have a beautiful Christmas carol repertoire and we were asked to perform at many places in the DFW area at Christmas time. I remember we were singing at a large Bank building in Dallas. The choir was doing a moving performance and hundreds of people gathered around to watch us. Compliments and applause and smiles were the norm at these events. When our performance ended the man who had booked our group came up to me and said, "thank you so much for bringing your choir to perform for us, here is your check for the performance." I immediately told him I was only the assistant, he needed to give the money to our director, Ms. Kelly. He said, "oh, ok, I just assumed you were the director.  I was the only white person in the group. Hmmmmm....

Then, on another occasion we were headed out of town at about 5AM in the morning. We were on our way to East Texas on a little mini-tour. Ms. Kelly had gone to the Admin building the night before to pick up the check for our per diem. Each child was to receive an allotted amount for meals each day that we were traveling. The Administration had given her one big check. The problem was that she had picked it up so late in the day she couldn't get to the bank the night before. Her plan was to cash the check at a bank in the town we were going to that day. We arrived in this small East Texas town about 9:00 AM. Ms. Kelly went to the bank to cash the FWISD check. They wouldn't cash it for her. I was waiting on the bus with the students. Ms. Kelly came out to the bus and said, "Mrs. Burchill, will you come in the bank with me, they aren't going to cash this check." Naive as I am, I had no idea how I could be any help. I simply went with her to the same teller window and just verified that we really were a group from FWISD that was touring the area on a choir tour. With my verification, they went ahead and cashed the check.  Hmmmmmm......

Another time we traveled to Austin to sing at the Capital. We stayed at a nice hotel. Ms. Kelly was very gracious that time and allowed me to bring my son along. He always enjoyed hearing the choir and sometimes Ms. Kelly let him sing with them if he could learn the song quickly enough to do so. On the day we were preparing to leave a lot of the kids stopped at the hotel gift shop to pick up souvenirs or snacks. When my son and I walked into the souvenir shop the lady behind the counter was going nuts. She was shouting, "one of the students stole a beanie baby, one of the students stole a beanie baby." I asked her if she was sure and she said she knew exactly the number of beanie babies that she had and she was positive. I wanted to calm the lady down. She was kind of over the top about the situation; so, I simply asked her how much the beanie baby cost. She told me. I paid for it. My son and I left the shop and started walking towards the bus. Ms. Kelly came up to me. She was furious with me. She scolded me in front of everyone for paying for that Beanie Baby. She asked me how much I paid and I told her and she gave me the money. She then got everyone on the bus and shouted at the children and told them we weren't leaving until the culprit confessed. He did. She got the Beanie baby and took it back to the lady in the souvenir shop. 

I realized I had greatly offended her. I was just trying to smooth things over with the upset woman in the shop, but what I had done was show that the white lady will take care of the evil thing the black child did. I was so confused. I knew that I was just trying to help, but I had greatly offended everyone.  Ms. Kelly was a proud woman and was trying her best to help teach these kids right from wrong. They were a very well behaved group. She use to say, "I don't want no silly choir".  She did not tolerate one of her students stealing. That child was punished and not allowed to go on any more choir trips the rest of that school year. 

In case you are reading this and thinking, "see the black children are stealing things". Please put that out of your head. I remember once not too many years ago taking an all white choir on a trip to UIL and on the way home a very wealthy, privileged child stole a magazine. When I was informed of this by another student we called her out in front of all the kids on the bus. My husband was along as a chaperone. He accompanied the girl back in the gas station and made her apologize to the cashier and give the magazine back. I think I would have been "Ms. Kelly mad" if one of the adults on the trip had paid for the magazine. 

My husband directed a jazz band for years that had many African American students in it. There were also white and hispanic kids in the band. The music was a great unifier. He loved his students and invested in them musically and relationally. They taught him as much as he taught them!  One Saturday his small group jazz combo had traveled together to play in a small town in Texas. This small group happened to be an all black group. They had been invited to play for an event on the town square. Their performance was well received. It was lunch time when the group finished playing so my husband offered to buy everyone lunch at a local cafe on the square. 

They were dressed very nicely in suits for the performance so they looked like a very dashing group! They entered the cafe and sat at a table. They waited and waited and waited and waited.  They waited some more. They watched other patrons being waited on by servers. No one ever came to their table. My husband was furious and wanted to make a big deal about it. He wanted to talk with the cafe owner or someone who was in charge. His students just said,  "Tom, let's just go. This isn't the first time this has happened and it won't be the last." They left and went to have lunch somewhere else. Tom was shocked. He had no idea. We had no idea that kind of thing still happened.

I think a lot of us have no idea.

Slavery ended just a little over 150 years ago. That is 7 generations. Seven generations ago there were Americans who claimed Black people were less than human. They were property. They were ripped of their heritage, their dignity, their freedom and stolen from their families, their homes, their way of life. They were forced to adapt to a new place and find ways to survive in the worst of human conditions. They helped to build our country, but have struggled to figure out their place in the country.  Even with an African American president racial inequality still exists. I think in some way they are a people who suffer from generational post traumatic stress. Slavery is a great evil. Can you imagine the stories past down from generation to generation? 

As with every problem on the planet. I believe God is the answer. The church is the hand of God in our world. Jesus calls us to be salt and light in a dark and hateful, even wicked world.  The church needs to stand up and say, "we want racial reconciliation because God wants racial reconciliation". I believe we will be worshiping in heaven one day with every tribe, every nation, every tongue. I believe it because that is what the Bible teaches. That is also what I feel in my heart. I think this is a feeling that is from the Lord.

Here is a convicting quote from Martin Luther King's letter from a Birmingham jail. 

"But the judgment of God is on the church as never before. If today's church does not recapture the sacrificial spirit of the early church it will lose its authenticity, forfeit the loyalty of millions and be dismissed as an irrelevant social club with no meaning for the twentieth century".

We are in the 21st century now and I believe a call to sacrificial living and authenticity has been crying out for years and years. I am convicted. I am personally on my knees trying to figure out how I can make a difference.  How can I stand for Christ honoring love and compassion every day and draw people to God's love which never looks at outward appearance, but sees right through to the heart.

These are just my thoughts on the Tuesday after a most sad and upsetting week in America.

God bless you as you struggle to find your way through this time too. 

Soli deo gloria

PAM

Christian Dreams

It is a fact of life that everyone has dreams. I remember us twenty somethings back in graduate school talking amongst our music major selves about our goals and dreams. Many wanted to have recording careers, be the next big artist, write the next big hit, be admired for their musical expertise and talent, climb the success ladder and have a exciting, happy life. Most of us had big, grandiose visions of what the future would hold. Some of my friends actually do have recording careers, have won grammy awards and they tour with famous artists and are "living the dream" so to speak. Sometimes plans and dreams work out. And sometimes they don't. But most often some dreams come true while others fade away with time, or perhaps they are just put on hold for years.

Not one of my friends planned for their wife to die of cancer before their children graduated high school or to have a child who was born with birth defects and difficult health issues. No one planned to get that phone call late at night that their wife fell asleep at the wheel driving home from a gig and was instantly killed. No one planned to spend years doing a job they didn't really care for just because they needed to pay the bills. No one planned for their husband to be diagnosed with cancer a couple years after their wedding and for his once strong and healthy young body to be attacked by cancer until he died leaving two young children missing their father and being raised by a broken-hearted single mom. No one planned to come home to a wife who had fallen in the back yard and is left with an irreversible spinal cord injury. No one planned to have a failed marriage, to develop an alcohol or drug problem, to go into bankruptcy or to never find that special person to spend their life with. Yet these are the stories of many of those friends who dreamed of success, happiness, fame and prosperity.

Things don't always turn out like we plan. I guess most of us know this, but somehow we fight it. We try to control our life. We think that if we got opportunity A, that the next logical step has to be opportunity B followed by opportunity C. When the trajectory of our dreams take us in a diverted direction we wonder if our prayers were ever heard by God. Then we ask, "does He care about me at all?"

I have one young twenty something friend who recently got to sing with the Rolling Stones. She was part of a small choir from her University that got to sing on two numbers at the huge Dallas Cowboys stadium in front of thousands of adoring fans. It was a fun, fantastic experience for her. It was her first "rock" job. Now, for her to think that the next step in her career will be upwards from that venue and that band and those thousands of fans would be ludicrous. She may indeed get opportunities like that in the future, but she'll have to work for them. And the probability of that happening soon is not great.

But don't we do this? We get it in our head that we have accomplished such and such so we deserve the next big step. We have the degree. We have the money.  We have the dream. We have the talent. We have the desire.  Wasn't it God who placed that desire and that dream in our heart?  Why isn't He bringing it to pass? Why have our dreams been diverted and perhaps even crushed?

We feel that our dreams are our purpose. I think this is a mistake. It is an Americanized version of Christianity. Even believers who don't buy into the Prosperity gospel, still live it out in their hearts. They wonder why God denies them the things they want. They really want a giant genie who grants wishes. Now, their wishes are very noble because they don't want to be an ordinary rock star...they want to be a CHRISTIAN rock star....they don't want to be a famous speaker, they want to be a famous CHRISTIAN speaker....they want to be a CHRISTIAN author, so shouldn't God bless that dream?  Americanized Christianity.

God has a bigger purpose than the size of our bank accounts, the admiration of adoring CHRISTIAN "Fans", or our climb up the ladder of success or power in the church. I don't believe what job we have is as important as the knowledge that God has sovereignly placed us there for that particular moment in time. Our purpose is to make Christ known and make His name great. I am a music teacher and musician. You might be a politician, or a businessman, you might be in agriculture or technology or construction. You might be an artist or a writer or a teacher.  Where you are is important because God lives in you and His spirit flows through you. He has a purpose in the ordinary days. He wants to express the love and joy of Christ in you where you are TODAY. He is not waiting to express Christ's life through you until every little part of your plan has lined up in a perfect row of success after success. That is AMERICANIZED Christianity. God has a purpose in the work you have to do TODAY. He has a purpose in the pain you have endured or are enduring TODAY.

I think God does give us dreams. I believe we should work hard towards those dreams and goals. But along the way, if you are diverted from the trajectory of the plan you had for how your dreams will be realized, I want you to follow Matt Chandler's advice.

"Instead of thinking "I need to find my life's purpose in my work", think..."I need to bring God's purpose to this work."  

So if you don't like your job, that is not the point. The point is... are you being Christ to the people around you on a daily basis? Are you shining His glory for all to see?

Believing friend, He knows the past and the future. He knows every thought you've ever had. He knows the dreams that you have and your angst about them not coming true. But His ways are higher, His ways are always good and He longs to see HIS purposes and HIS dreams for you accomplished in your life. You should be concerned about what people think about JESUS because of what they see in you....not what they think about YOU.

It is not easy in this culture, but please stop trying to control everything.  HE is in control and His will will be done. Make that the desire of your heart.

The struggle is real, I know. Been there. Done that. But, "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." This promise includes laying your dreams at His feet.

Let's pray for each other as we strive to glorify Him no matter our circumstances! Then, maybe HIS dreams will be our dreams.

Our Father is Younger Than We.

Today I just wanted to share a really cool quote by G.W. Chesterton read by Matt Chandler in one of his recent sermons. It gave me a fresh perspective  and also gave me pause, so I wanted to pass that along. I'd love to know what you think. Here it is:

"Because children have abounding vitality, because they are in spirit fierce and free, therefore they want things repeated and unchanged. They always say, "do it again"; and the grown up person does it again until he is nearly dead. For grown up people are not strong enough to 

exult in monotony. 

But perhaps God is strong enough to exult in monotony. It is possible that God says every morning; "Do it again' to the sun; and every evening, 'Do it again' to them moon. It may not be automatic necessity that makes all daisies alike, it may be that God makes every daisy separately, but has never got tired of making them.

It may be that He has the eternal appetite of infancy, for we have sinned and grown old, and our Father is younger than we." - G.W. Chesterton

I love this. I love to think of God has having a spirit that is fierce and free. I would love to be able to exult in monotony because so much of life is monotonous. I get up everyday and go to the same job that I went to the day before. Wouldn't it be cool if we had the attitude when we arose in the morning...."Do it again, God" and we were excited about the monotonous day ahead? I'm thinking we would see the beauty and the detail in each day and the beauty of the people that we encounter regularly. I really do want a spirit abounding in vitality and a spirit that is fierce and free.  Instead of growing old and bitter may I have a little of God's eternal appetite of infancy. For yes, our Father is indeed younger than we.

Have a glorious, monotonous day!
PAM

THRIVE

Happy New Year! Goodbye to the difficult but eye opening year that was 2015. Actually, it has been a difficult 2 and a half years for me.  Goodbye.  Good riddance.

Hello 2016 and all the beautiful possibilities ahead.  I am entering this new year with a fresh perspective and a realistic expectation based on lessons learned over the past 2 and a half crummy years.

Here is my plan for 2016. I plan to THRIVE. Here is how I plan to go about it.

T  -  Thankfulness
H  -  Humilty
R  -  Reverence
I   -  Innovation
V  - Vitality
E  -  Emotional Health

Here is the plan:

THANKFULNESS. I want to daily remember all of the blessings in my life. I am so very thankful for fellowship with God. I treasure this constant conversation that we have together throughout each day.  In the worst situation I still feel His presence and grace. He does not leave me, He does not betray. I am also thankful for Tom. He is so constant and true. Our love is real and has survived 37 and a half years.  He has seen me at my best and my worst and still loves me. And I'm thankful for our kid! Jordan is a good person. What a blessing that is in my life. There is so much more for which to be thankful. On this very first day of the year- these things are a start. I hope to fill 2016 with gratitude. What are you thankful for today?

HUMILITY. I think humility comes when you realize what you truly deserve and compare that to what you have been given. (However, Humility is not being a doormat. I've misinterpreted that in the recent past.) Humility is recognizing and believing and acknowledging that God is God and I am not. I humbly acknowledge that His plans are better than my own. If I Humble myself before the Lord, He will lift me up. I'll let Him do the lifting. I will do the trusting. I'm glad He is God and I'm not.

REVERENCE. This is not a word that is used much anymore. But this is what I feel when I see the ocean. I feel it when I sit on a beach and watch the huge body of water move. I see the waves hit the shore and it is as if they know exactly where to stop. I don't understand it. When I see a beautiful sunset that reminds me of an impressionist painting in the sky I feel a deep reverence for the Creator. This is all God's hand and I am in awe. He created all of the many different people on this planet and all the varied creatures on land and sea. It is amazing. I think of His "bigness" and his imagination  and I'm left with no words. I want to sit and ponder Him. I am completely awe inspired by His creativity, His love, His majesty, His story and His plan. I want to honor Him and revere Him in those moments. I want to worship Him. I look forward to listening to Him, reading His word, knowing Him more and loving Him more this year - all with a sense of reverence.

The first 3 words of my THRIVE plan have to do with God. The next three have to do with how He might choose to use me this year.

INNOVATION. I am certain that I was created to be a creative person. I plan to use my God given abilities to be innovative this year. I'm really excited about the possibilities ahead! And I have a lot of ideas! I am challenging myself to create something every day!

VITALITY. For me this word refers to my physical well being and health. All the typical New Year's resolutions fall under this category: Eat better, eat less, move more (exercise), get enough sleep, drink lots of water. I'm ready to do this thang in 2016! I'm determined to be a better me by 2017! If we try this day by day,  little by little - we'll get there.

EMOTIONAL WELL BEING. I have allowed others to rob me of my joy. Have you ever done that? I don't blame them anymore however. It was my decision to let them rob me. No more! The Bible says that the "joy of the Lord is our strength." I claim that for me in 2016 and for you too. I'm going to take care of my emotional health. I hope you will take care of yours as well.

I'm going to dedicate my blogs this year to this THRIVE plan.  It will be an interesting journey. I'd love to invite you to THRIVE with me! Let's see what 2016 has to offer, friends.

Let's THRIVE!

Pam

REMINDERS

I love my i-phone for so many reasons, but one of the best is the feature that allows me to keep reminders handy via my calendar. I can program it so that little alarms go off to remind me of an event or an item on my "to-do" list.

There are also notification systems on several of the social media sites that I use that remind me of the birthdays of family and friends so I don't forget the important people in my life. These notification systems also let me know immediately when I have a message or a call. With i-phone in hand I can feel connected 24-7!

At work there is a feature on our email system that my boss uses to remind me of a meeting or other important notification. There is a little alarm that goes off on my office computer and then a box appears that tells me what I need to know and also lets me know how I need to respond.

 In a fast paced, hectic, 21st century world these little reminder applications are invaluable! However, my favorite "reminders" are found in God's word. I love to read that Jesus loves me.

Here are a few of the precious reminders He has given us:


John 3:16 - For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.
Romans 8:37-39 - No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Ephesians 2:4-5 - But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ— by grace you have been saved ...
Romans 5:8 - but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

These verses, and many others, are awesome reminders of our great God's great love for us; however,

I am excited to share with you a little reminder system that I believe God gave me a few months ago.  Here is how it came about:

I was dealing with some difficult problems with a group of people slandering me and behaving rudely towards me. It wasn't an easy time because I feel strongly that gossip is a sin, so to "report" these people would mean I'd have to tell stories about them to others to tell "my side" which somehow seemed like participating in the gossip.  I refused to do that. Therefore, I just had to endure the stories going around about me. I felt led to trust God to handle them. I strongly believe that HIS reputation is far more important than mine. My job was to keep faith, trust that God always has my best interest at heart, pray and believe that He has solutions to problems such as these that I cannot begin to imagine. I had to believe that my God was bigger than my problems, my circumstances and whatever these folks decided to say about me. 

I also had to believe that none of what was going on was really about ME. It was about God orchestrating events to work out His purposes in me and in the others involved in the situation. If I believe He is in control and He loves me I have to have faith that His ways are not like my ways and  I won't always understand how He moves and works things out.  It was a time when I just had to say, "God, I trust you."

I dealt with this problem for over a year. Although I made a decision to lay my circumstances and my feelings at God's feet, I still struggled. I was still very hurt and almost fell into a deep depression over the situation.  I felt very disliked and very unloved by people. 

This is when, during one of my prayer times, God seemed to give me an idea. I felt like He wanted me to know and be REMINDED at a moment's notice that He loves me, He cares about my situation and He is always working things out for my good.  I asked Him if we could make a little "pact". I told Him that every time I heard a bird sing or children singing that I would like to immediately remember that my heavenly Father SINGS over me because he loves me so much. Just like I sang to my son when he was a child, my heavenly Father SINGS over me. 

Zephaniah 3:17 - The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing.

We made the "deal". It was no big earth shattering thing, we just agreed together that these things would be my reminders during the midst of a hectic day, or a difficult time. When I heard a bird sing or children singing I would be reminded that I am fully and completely loved and accepted by my heavenly Father. It doesn't matter what others say, His love for me is true and undeniable and unending.

I can't begin to tell you all of the interesting times that I have heard birds singing since then. One time it was after a sleepless night when I spent several hours crying and praying about the above mentioned situation. I finally fell asleep about 4:30 in the morning and when I woke up at 6:30AM...what did I hear outside my window? Birds were singing! It was as if God had tapped me on the shoulder and said, "Pam, wake up, it is a new day! Dry your tears. I hear your cries and I care. I love you. Trust me." Birds singing had never sounded so beautiful to me. Since our little "pact", this has happened over and over just when I needed that extra reminder.

I've never really heard of anyone doing something like this before. I just feel like it was a wonderful gift my sweet heavenly Father gave me during a very hard time. I wanted to tell you, my blog readers,  about it so that maybe you can pray and ask Him what might be a good reminder for you! We all experience trials and difficulties and sometimes you are at work, or in a situation when you can't whip out your Bible and read it. You might recite vereses for memory in your mind, but that audible reminder has been a precious, special blessing to me. 

Also, since my day job is teaching children music,  I hear children singing regularly. Since our little "pact" I can't hear them sing a note without remembering I am loved dearly by my heavenly Father. You know what?

So are you.

Soli Deo Gloria

PAM BURCHILL

"Down" time

March 1, 2015

The winter blast here in Texas made for an interesting week this past week. Roads were icy and schools were closed or dismissing early. It was so cold and icy at our church that services today were even canceled!

When one is iced in and most everything around you is closed or impossible to get to, you truly have "down" time. "Down" time is something I generally don't have.  I keep a fast paced, hectic schedule between work, church, errands and my musical pursuits. I bet most everyone else I know has a similar schedule. "Down" time is rare; however, it is also a blessing. It has been great to be able to read a book, organize and clean out drawers, do laundry, cook meals and share them with my family - all at a leisurely pace. Nothing has been panicky. I love that. I also love that my 25 year old son came to stay with us this weekend and he enjoyed our iced in "down" time with us. Being with my little family is a joy.

These past few days it has also been a blessing to have time to pray. Instead of a nightly ritual, or those popcorn prayers that go through my head constantly throughout the day, I have really had time to pause and to listen for God's voice. I have had time to lay my requests and questions and ponderings at His feet and to put my life once again in His hands and in His control.

Some of the thoughts I believe God has impressed on my heart these past few days are that we should find our strength in the joy we find in our faith. "The joy of the Lord is our strength." We should never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved. Friends let us down, beloved children grow up and move away, your nest is empty, loved ones pass on. In fact, just yesterday a former student of mine passed away. A friend's father is facing his final days. This is very sad. This is not unusual. This is life.

Lately I've been looking back with regret and looking forward with fear. This down time has reminded me of a quote from Harold Hill of the MUSIC MAN. He says, "You pile up enough tomorrows, and you'll find you've collected a lot of empty yesterdays." I realized that being sad about the past and fearful of the future is a completely unhealthy way to live. It also hurts no one but me. If I keep doing this I'm going to be one of those folks with a lot of empty yesterdays.

Do you ever feel this way?

If so, you might join me as I make a commitment to myself and a re-commitment to God to embrace each day, believing that the day is truly a gift from Him. Whatever circumstances I'm facing have meaning and purpose because He is in control. As a Christian, I am a unique expression of Christ.  If you are a Christian, you are too. This makes what we do and say important, even if we feel unimportant. What we do matters, because God says that it does.

Dear God....thank you for the "down" time, for clearing my head, for giving me time to talk long and hard with you and especially for the silence to listen to your voice.

I hope you enjoyed your down time if you are among the many who have experienced these snowed in, iced in, "stay at home" days. I don't have the answers to all of life's questions, of that I am quite certain. But, in the quiet and stillness of my "down time", I have become a little closer to the One who does.

Soli Deo Gloria

PAM BURCHILL

23 DAYS

I have 23 days left of summer vacation. After that I will be back to a very full schedule and I will continue to try and perfect the juggling act that is the life of a wife, mom, teacher, musician, Jesus follower, worship leader, singer/songwriter and sometime blogger. I woke up this morning thinking, "if I was truly the person I want to be, what would I do with my days?" It was as if a voice spoke to me and said, "give it a try for 23 days". What a thought! Where did that come from? I think I know. So I am going to listen to "the voice" and give it a try.

The wise person would know that we should approach every day this way. But I am not always wise. So I am conducting an end of the summer experiment. Am I up to the challenge? I don't know if I am. I know that if I'm being ultra spiritual I will say that God in me can accomplish anything. I believe that. I know it. But, I don't always act like I believe that and I know it. So, this is my end of summer experiment: live intentionally, on purpose, doing what I know I need to do for 23 days. No slacking off, no drowning in a sea of discouragement- even if it is not going the way I'd hoped, no backing out of this! 23 days.

Here are some examples of what I'm talking about:
My spiritual gifting is along the teaching and exhorting line. I like to encourage people. It makes me happy to give someone a pat on the back. I also believe people need to hear words of affirmation. So if I was the kind of person I'd like to be, I'd do more of that. Today's attempt at that? I've written notes to some really awesome people who I happen to know who I think could use a word of affirmation.

I'm still on a weight loss journey. If I was the kind of person I'd like to be, I'd eat healthy and exercise. It is 11Am and I've walked 3 miles with my little dog Ella. I love to be out doors. We have a lovely walking park in my neighborhood and this morning was especially enjoyable because there was a nice summer breeze and a lot of friendly people smiling and waving to me in the park. Ella sniffed a few canine friends and I exchanged pleasantries with other dog loving, walk loving humans from my neighborhood. I got a little more than I expected from my exercise goal...interaction with sweet humans! Hmmmmm, this experiment might surprise me!

My son is home for a couple of weeks. He is a twenty four year old and in between houses. He had to be out of his last home in Denton by the 20th of July and then can't move into his new home in Austin until August 3rd. He feels a bit displaced with all of his worldly belongings stashed into Tom's music room, but this mom is very happy to have her one and only son at home - if only for a couple of weeks. If I were the kind of person I'd like to be I'd encourage him, support him in any way I can and enjoy his 24 year old thoughts, perspectives and wisdom. I can learn a lot from that young man I raised. I think I'll take him for a cup of coffee at Starbucks ( he loves coffee) and listen to his youthful wisdom.

I could go on and one about the things I plan to do today to accomplish the purposes for day number one of my 23 day experiment. If you're not already bored...(you would become bored with the details.) But, what I am realizing in the first few hours of this "project" I've taken on is that this is how I should be living my life every day.

Here's a little word picture that is helping me learn this intentional mindset...
My wonderfully talented and wise husband, Thomas Burchill, has many young people approach him and ask him what they should do to get better at their instrument or they ask how can they become a successful professional musician. He patiently and very kindly tells them all the little things they should be practicing. Not on a "when I feel like it" or "when other things aren't interfering" basis - but the things they need to take care of every day- no matter what. Most of these people approach him with great enthusiasm about the great musician they intend to be or the big dream they want to accomplish. Then, when he explains the private time, sacrifice, faithful daily struggle in the practice room and the dedication it will take to get to their goal, I'd say 90% of them say they are too busy or they don't understand why they have to do all of the things he suggests. They were kind of hoping for the secret pill or the secret code for stardom. Many still think "I coulda, shoulda, woulda if I'd had the right connections, knew the right people, etc."

The reality of it is the 10% who have taken his advice are doing quite well musically. He has many, many former students who have won grammy awards, play with nationally known acts and have professional music careers. He would never "take credit" for any of their success. He just told them what he knew they needed to do. THEY did it.

Well, uh duh! I know what I need to do to reach my spiritual goals, my career goals, my personal goals, and my physical goals. I just need to do those things. No excuses, no waiting for the perfect day or for the situation to be "just right". I don't think there is going to be the perfect day to get started. So, I'm starting today.

By the way, one of the goals was to blog about this. So I just did. Join me in the 23 days of intentional living journey. Let's see where it takes us!

Soli Deo Gloria

PAM